Who would we be without the people around us? The most consistent investigations during childhood likely stem from influential contributors including family, teachers, and friends. The stamps they leave enable us to morph into who we become. While many of the people we meet leave positive stamps, others leave tiny traumas and necessary coping skills for future interactions. Knowing who to let in and when to let go is determined by the length of time in which we decide to prolong the inevitable.
Long term friendships sustained over a lifetime, which might be in the form of marriage or not, allows individuals time to know each other better than they might know themselves. For Dennis (hubby) and me, this was a no brainer, but that is a story for another day. This family we create for ourselves with self-appointed favorites inevitably changes everyone involved. Knowing that I can be my strange self, express regular insanity, and ponder queries without too much judgement is a blessing that I would find difficult to go without. But why can’t we let everyone in?
Trial friendships might encompass the short term relationships with acquaintances, but inevitably don’t last. Not everyone is equipped to understand the inner workings of our own personal dilemmas and either fade or go up in flames with one finger. The “mean girl” example represents one relationship that most endure at some point in life (yes both guys and gals), as we all want to feel included as part of a group. Witnessing this onset of “friend-pression” is especially difficult to witness for your children, and finding distractions and consolations for those failed friendships can be a challenge at first but in the end you know they will come out stronger on the other end. The truth is that if we hadn’t once endured “friend-pression” ourselves, it might be more difficult to express empathy through an understanding compassion.
Fear of change, a common symptom after severing friendships and moving forward can feel equally terrifying and exciting. In following these outcomes, we might feel weary of who we meet next and less responsive to those who could become long term friendships. The possibility of repeated heartache seems daunting.
Predictions
A fascination with the zodiac and stereotypical personalities defined within the cosmos predicting our fate have led me to fairly extensive research into its truths. For example, I am a very very Scorpio minded human: creative, skeptical, loyal, emotional, resourceful. I am married to a very very Virgo minded human (this is to say we both imitate closely the traits associated): logical, practical, systematic, organized, caring. Understanding both childhood experiences and cosmically determined traits have helped us communicate in a way to appreciate each other’s deepest needs. He understands that I am cursed with an obligation to complete bewildering, artistically-motivated tasks, just like I understand his need to categorically organize his ninja turtle collection and meticulously detail classic cars on a regular basis. Knowing that we are both self-driven, caring individuals motivates us to positively encourage and assist one another with house and family needs as well.
It’s likely that if you and I ever meet in person, I will ask what your zodiac sign is, or less conspicuously the date of your birth. Naturally, other Scorpios are easy for me to party with, however I may feel the need to approach friendships differently with Aries, for example who are similarly confident leaders, but require more space as they tend to lash out unpredictably when challenged. As with most stereotypes, this isn’t to say that everyone portrays their astrological personalities exactly, or that we couldn't be friends. For extremely similar or extremely opposite signs, we might have to simply allow each other some grace.
Affecting Others
In the land of teaching, it’s common for me to tell stories to assist students in visualizing the “why.” While many of the teaching methods I utilize now were adopted from the texts in college, most were adopted from influential personalities who paved the way during childhood. My love for reading became a regular habit after Mrs. Snead, in 3rd grade persuaded everyone to enjoy the art of poetry through memorizing fanciful passages like Jack Prelutsky’s, “The Sneezy Snoozer.” Similarly, Mr. Kuhn (God rest his soul) demonstrated restraint by throwing erasers through the classroom instead of staplers, however he did enjoy banging staplers on his desk, highly contemplating the action.
Enduring both positive and negative interactions enables our growth to flourish throughout adulthood. Yes, I’d prefer to protect my own kids from unkind educators who tell them outright they aren’t good enough, or advocate them to avoid “mean girls” entirely. But at the end of the day, this is where personal growth proliferates, both morally (realizing how not to be an asshole) and spiritually (understanding the ultimate judge is not Suzie Q who forgot the Golden Rule).
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