We Adopted a Puppy

Last month, we welcomed Mack into our home.  Mack is a 3 month old blue merle (marbled) rough collie.  Most of the dogs we’ve brought home over the years were bred to be AKC show dogs but missed the mark and were put up for adoption as a result.  When I say they didn’t meet the mark, Harry had too much white fur, Lloyd’s legs were too short, Ace was too big, and Ollie has a curly tail.  For Mack’s litter, the breeders were hoping for a female so kept his sister while passing on the cutie boy to us.  For pet owners, AKC breeders guarantee the dogs aren’t inbred, generally spawned from other dogs with similar expectations enabling us to track puppy ancestry. The world of dog shows is a mystery to me, but the dogs we’ve adopted have always been taken care of like human babies prior to moving in, turning out very sweet with zero medical issues until they reach the end of the line.  In general, this is the main reason we opt to adopt dogs from breeders instead of shelters, to ensure their health.  Also, when we raise them from puppy age, we obtain more control over obedience and training.

As someone who was raised with cats at home instead dogs, I felt skeptical when we brought home our first puppy in 2003, a too small sheltie named Sally.  Dennis and I weren’t yet married, but shared an apartment in Hollywood, FL.  Dennis was accustomed to shelties and collies from his childhood, along with their naturally calm temperaments and intelligence.  So following the death of my dad, Dennis decided he might help divert my constant sadness with the distraction of a puppy.  Six months after adopting Sally, we decided that she needed a puppy friend and found Daisy, a slightly larger sheltie who barked at absolutely everything.  As the years went on, we have enjoyed the companionship of 5 shelties and 3 collies, Mack making collie number 3.

When it comes to companions, I find pets most helpful on days when I feel the need to sleep in, or read on the couch, or require additional affection.  I wake up with a dog on my head and another next to me on the floor.  Long haired breeds definitely shed, but we habitually brush them somewhat regularly to keep loose fur at bay.  Right now we care for 4 dogs and 2 (very noisy) birds in the house and I wouldn’t want it any other way, unless we had a gaggle of cats as well, but Dennis is severely allergic.

I understand the selection of breed can feel controversial, however sticking to intelligent, calm herding dogs has enabled us to avoid excessive aggression, especially considering my attack from a friend's Rottweiler requiring 35 facial stitches on my lips and cheek.  While I realize many of the aggressive breeds might be trained into loving companions, I’ll stick to my furry rugs for now.

Isn’t it interesting how proud animal parents feel when it comes to their mutts?  At the end of the day what matters most lies in our ability to provide them with food, shelter, and love… like one of the kids.  And yes, they don’t live as long as humans, but I feel immensely grateful for the pockets of time we have together, especially now that our kids are old enough to contribute to their needs as well, learning to endlessly care for their companions and practice responsible habits.

Diet Pills and Anorexia

This week at the university, to take a short break from Pilates and our introduction to Martha Graham’s modern dance technique, we discussed health and nutrition.  For dance majors, this topic rarely receives enough focus, but lives on everyone’s minds without resolve.  Remembering what it’s like to be a college student living in dorms, many of the student comments were along the lines of not having enough time or access to healthy foods and opting for larger fried meals because starvation set in by the time they make it to the dining hall.  Another student who moved into his own apartment for the first time had questions about grocery shopping and knowing what to buy.  In addition to basic needs like hydration and metabolism, we also discussed sleeping habits, flexibility and strength training.    

As a professional performing artist, it can be challenging to not feel concerned with the vanity of appearance. Time spent performing on stage for so many years, there was a time when my nails were always done and I couldn’t leave the house without wearing make up. I realize this isn’t just a performer thing. 15 years ago, while teaching hip-hop for the performing arts center in Tampa, I was discussing this need with some of my adult students.  A 60 year old woman named Lisa informed me that, “it’s just part of being a girl.  Staying slim and looking our best all the time is what’s expected. It always has been, and it always will be.”

Having worn uniforms throughout secondary school, I lost interest in trendy clothing along the way and when it comes down to it, I live in athletic wear as much as the next gal… or maybe more since my job also requires leggings and tees with a side of socks.

Removing the need to follow trends, allots more time to focus on health. I’ve met many dancers along the way who survive off the “Dancer Diet,”, which consists of diet pills, and anorexia. There may be some apples thrown in, but generally not.  While I realize expectations for performers have changed over time by opening gates to various body types, overall health should take priority for anyone.  Gone are the days when dancers are expected to live off cigarettes alone.

Constant obsession over anything can become a negative addition, whether it lead to obesity or the need to being overly fit.  At the end of the day, it’s all about balance. Being able to treat yourself in moderation while also consuming healthy food throughout the day will provide both energy and nutrients.  The Gen Z kiddos who are teens or in their 20s right now have grown up with internet access for researching recipes and exercise videos.  I am constantly impressed with the concoctions Suki (age 15) creates made up of whole grains, protein, and vegetables.  While I feel compelled to purchase pre-made parfaits, she prefers devising her own from scratch in order to include her favorite ingredients, like honey, blueberries, and gluten free granola.

How do we as parents promote healthy habits for our kids?  The truth is that the best method to teach is leading by example.  I realize this is easier said than done.  While I grew up drinking Tang with Ginger Ale and still keep Diet Coke in the fridge, I drink as much water as possible so my kiddos might follow suit.  They don’t drink soda because they think it’s gross, which sounds like blasphemy to anyone who grew up in the 80s. As Suki says, “fizzy drinks give you cellulite.”  I didn’t know what cellulite was at her age. 

While I don’t particularly love vegetables, we enjoy them together and one of the kids' favorite requests is stuffed artichokes.  We eat candy and goodies in moderation, and when Dude and I ask the kids if they’d like to get ice cream because we want dessert, the kids generally don’t want to go.  While striving for physical fitness on a regular basis, consuming healthy foods has become a natural result in the process, not in the pursuit of looking a certain way, but because this is part of our regular lifestyle.

Notes shared with Winthrop University Dance students:

1. Water- consume the same number of ounces in water as your body weight, 100 pounds? Consume 100oz of water daily.

*I realize this sounds like a lot, but water is literally the solution to all things. Skin, digestion, hydration, weight control, and healing all rely on your water intake. Dancers are athletes, so staying hydrated can be a real challenge to avoid cramping and injury.

2. 6 meals a day- "meals" can be small, but its necessary to eat throughout the day for energy and concentration.

*example: meal 1- spinach omelet, multigrain toast, oj. meal 2- protein shake. meal 3- grilled chicken salad with juice. meal 4- apple. meal 5- salmon with brown rice and broccoli. meal 6- celery and peanut butter.

3. Stretch every day. This can take 10 minutes. Stretch for Dancers

4. Strength- On days when you have a few extra minutes, here is one of my favorite videos (her leg workouts are great too), Strength for Dancers

5. Sleep- Getting a good night's sleep is eccential for overall health. If you have a hard time falling asleep at night, here are some ideas that might help, Tips for Sleep

Sibling Love and RIE

When my daughter was born in 2008, I had never held a baby before.  I attended the births of nephews, but just smiled gleefully and offered my praise and adoring admiration to the ecstatic new parents.

Luckily, marrying a man with 6 older siblings also means that he knows how babies work because he grew up surrounded by younger nephews and nieces.  This did not, however include situations saved exclusively for parents, like training kids to sleep in their own beds without screaming and figuring out how to not murder the cute angels after bath time when they refused to wear pajamas.  Those cute faces only go so far before intervention is needed.

While living in Tampa, my company dance director and friend, Maria came to the rescue. Our glowing baby girls were the same age and when  Maria registered to try a parenting class for infants, she invited me to attend.  RIE, Reasearch for Infants and Educators changed my outlook on parenting, not that I had much opinion to begin with beyond whimsical playtime and affectionate reiteration.  https://rie.org/

Here is the gist:

1. There is a mutual respect for parent and child- Good manners, eye contact, and kindnesses that are given are generally reciprocated. Babies will learn to speak by repeating what they hear.

2. Infants are capable of monitored independent play- Entertaining kids during play encourages their neediness for constant connection. While I like to play games, sometimes I need to get things done in the house while they explore with non-electronic (as much as possible) toys.  If babies bring me toys, RIE taught me to acknowledge them and instantly return the toys to say, “thanks for showing me, now off you go."

3. Clear, positive language is necessary to take emotion out of communication- What’s wrong with the word, “no”? Personally, I hate being told no.  Likewise, babies respond better to short explanations like, “that’s not safe,” “yes, in 5 minutes,” and “thank you for showing me, let’s do this instead.”

4. Babies train parents as much as parents train babies- Giving praise for positive behavior is a training method well received by anyone, just like patience.  Allowing kiddos time, too is often the solution for calming anxieties and encouraging needs to accomplish big goals, like putting the lid back on juice and finishing whatever activity they started previously.

5. The RIE method also works for communicating with teens, and really people of all ages.  What does anyone want from those around us?-  Positive affirmation, assurance, and encouragement, while also feeling independently sufficient.

As a result of following this method, my kids still want to know what we’re doing next so they can mentally prepare for the day. Suki brings Will blankets and Will cooks Suki breakfast, like he is doing now.  They have been doing these things since infancy and have continued to communicate with kindness while giving each other space as needed. When we go to CrossFit together, the pair are so sweet to each other that other gym-goers ask how I taught them to do that.  The truth is that their love for one another is an accumulation of long practiced habits established during infancy.   

During the time period when I was initially learning the RIE method, I remember having difficulty with feeling increasingly frustrated at times.  Giving myself time to calm down and have a cup of tea allowed me to be a better parent because I was training myself as much as I was training the kiddos.  While I’d like to think that parenting is all about them, the truth is that we can’t be loving parents if we don’t respect ourselfs as well. Some days, I lay in bed a little longer that what’s acceptable.  I sit for lengths of time with puzzles because I love puzzles.  Sometimes the kids puzzle with me and sometimes they don’t.  I listen to books while I clean because I hate cleaning and dance as much as humanly possible.  And when the kids need my fullest attention, I’m there.

To learn more about the RIE method, check out this book (aka the Baby Bible): https://a.co/d/gk625mR