I Wrote A Book

It’s interesting to consider all the accomplishments we achieve in life.  Looking back at where we were, and forward to where we’re headed opens new possibilities, reflecting on making each day count.  Approaching a new year, typical goals like losing weight and being more productive, in one way or another tend to top the list.  However, as years move forward I like to reflect closer on surprises that happened and how we might approach all the wonderful possibilities ahead with renewed confidence.

This year, I wrote a book. While blog writing progressed, I found myself thrown into a rabbit hole of creation to write, re-write, and continually edit a specialized workbook for choreographers. In my library of notebooks lives a plethora of choreographic compositions I have written down over the years- Yes, I have everything written down because like anyone who didn’t grow up relying on technology, I still handwrite everything. 

While this book might progress into an online app for recording choreography one day (or not), I am currently enjoying this prototype, experiencing what it’s like to use pages that have all the tools that I’ve been scrawling for years, at my fingertips.

While I hope to one day create a more universally useful publication, a choreographic workbook feels like a safe first step. Like with any new endeavor, the first step feels foreign and overwhelming with too much communication for something so personal. 

Practicality tends to be my default when it comes to any sort of artistic endeavor. Does it share a message that I care about, whether ironic or educational? Even when studying interior design, I’ve always been drawn to the practical functionality over aesthetics. This is likely why I have a center island that’s the size of a ping pong table, because it can double as a ping pong table when we’re not baking 6 cakes at a time for my daughter’s baking business. Perhaps finding practicality is a way to balance the ridiculousness I personally strive for daily, like the way we need to accomplish obligations in order to finally lay on the couch with a book and a dog or 2. 

The other consideration I’ve had during this process is: do I care if this book ends up in a University Dance Department or Ballet Boutique, or am I just publishing this book for myself as a way to ease the choreographic process which can become tedious when too many works are created simultaneously. When we create something innovative for ourselves, is it necessary to reproduce the product to share, or is it just a silly means to pass time in order to put into fruition an idea we’ve possessed for a time? 

I believe that life has meaning when we are able to share bits of ourselves with others, let it be kindness or support, or semi-intelligible instruction. While not everyone falls into a place where they teach others regularly, leading by example has illuminated a cause beyond myself to portray who I would one day like to become.

Baking with Love

Baking, like anything practiced in excess feels like breathing.  As a kid, we baked because it brought us into the kitchen as a family.  Everyone got to stir, measure and add ingredients, enjoying the final product when the confection was fully baked.  There were no rules limiting how much dough we consumed, as long as nothing went to waste.  Now as a parent, my kids live in the kitchen with me.  What started as simply stirring and decorating cookies has turned into a baking business, started in 2019 where my now 15 year old daughter is head chef.

Bringing confectionary joy to others goes beyond simply fulfilling orders.  Suki’s favorite part of the process, after boxing and labeling treats like presents is delivering packages to the customer’s front door.

Completing orders on time is a lesson in itself, requiring determination to deliver without fail, although of course there has been a bit of learning curve for both of us.  As someone who doesn’t like to be told “no” myself, I also have difficulty in turning down sales when we are over-booked or obligated to other endeavors that week.  Finding balance in our sharing of baked goods has seemed to be the biggest challenge.  Besides, how can any business remain successful if we aren’t able to pull through when orders are placed?

My personal need to converse socially has also needed to be addressed as I am not someone who can deliver a cake and run.  Seeing friends and taking time to express appreciation for their trust in us providing confection often leaves me overwhelmed with gratitude.  Of course, the easiest way to keep a proud mother in the car is to leave her in the car, sending the head baker into the battlefield to gratefully transport treats.

Encouraging our kids to recognize their own talents in order to pursue possible dreams by simply operating as a motivational order-taker and sous-chef has its perks.  There is nothing better than inspiring confidence by witnessing growth through hardwork and perseverance.

Under the Influences

Who would we be without the people around us? The most consistent investigations during childhood likely stem from influential contributors including family, teachers, and friends. The stamps they leave enable us to morph into who we become. While many of the people we meet leave positive stamps, others leave tiny traumas and necessary coping skills for future interactions. Knowing who to let in and when to let go is determined by the length of time in which we decide to prolong the inevitable.

Long term friendships sustained over a lifetime, which might be in the form of marriage or not, allows individuals time to know each other better than they might know themselves. For Dennis (hubby) and me, this was a no brainer, but that is a story for another day. This family we create for ourselves with self-appointed favorites inevitably changes everyone involved. Knowing that I can be my strange self, express regular insanity, and ponder queries without too much judgement is a blessing that I would find difficult to go without. But why can’t we let everyone in?

Trial friendships might encompass the short term relationships with acquaintances, but inevitably don’t last. Not everyone is equipped to understand the inner workings of our own personal dilemmas and either fade or go up in flames with one finger. The “mean girl” example represents one relationship that most endure at some point in life (yes both guys and gals), as we all want to feel included as part of a group. Witnessing this onset of “friend-pression” is especially difficult to witness for your children, and finding distractions and consolations for those failed friendships can be a challenge at first but in the end you know they will come out stronger on the other end. The truth is that if we hadn’t once endured “friend-pression” ourselves, it might be more difficult to express empathy through an understanding compassion.

Fear of change, a common symptom after severing friendships and moving forward can feel equally terrifying and exciting. In following these outcomes, we might feel weary of who we meet next and less responsive to those who could become long term friendships. The possibility of repeated heartache seems daunting.

Predictions

A fascination with the zodiac and stereotypical personalities defined within the cosmos predicting our fate have led me to fairly extensive research into its truths. For example, I am a very very Scorpio minded human: creative, skeptical, loyal, emotional, resourceful. I am married to a very very Virgo minded human (this is to say we both imitate closely the traits associated): logical, practical, systematic, organized, caring. Understanding both childhood experiences and cosmically determined traits have helped us communicate in a way to appreciate each other’s deepest needs. He understands that I am cursed with an obligation to complete bewildering, artistically-motivated tasks, just like I understand his need to categorically organize his ninja turtle collection and meticulously detail classic cars on a regular basis. Knowing that we are both self-driven, caring individuals motivates us to positively encourage and assist one another with house and family needs as well.

It’s likely that if you and I ever meet in person, I will ask what your zodiac sign is, or less conspicuously the date of your birth. Naturally, other Scorpios are easy for me to party with, however I may feel the need to approach friendships differently with Aries, for example who are similarly confident leaders, but require more space as they tend to lash out unpredictably when challenged. As with most stereotypes, this isn’t to say that everyone portrays their astrological personalities exactly, or that we couldn't be friends. For extremely similar or extremely opposite signs, we might have to simply allow each other some grace.

Affecting Others

In the land of teaching, it’s common for me to tell stories to assist students in visualizing the “why.” While many of the teaching methods I utilize now were adopted from the texts in college, most were adopted from influential personalities who paved the way during childhood. My love for reading became a regular habit after Mrs. Snead, in 3rd grade persuaded everyone to enjoy the art of poetry through memorizing fanciful passages like Jack Prelutsky’s, “The Sneezy Snoozer.” Similarly, Mr. Kuhn (God rest his soul) demonstrated restraint by throwing erasers through the classroom instead of staplers, however he did enjoy banging staplers on his desk, highly contemplating the action.

Enduring both positive and negative interactions enables our growth to flourish throughout adulthood. Yes, I’d prefer to protect my own kids from unkind educators who tell them outright they aren’t good enough, or advocate them to avoid “mean girls” entirely. But at the end of the day, this is where personal growth proliferates, both morally (realizing how not to be an asshole) and spiritually (understanding the ultimate judge is not Suzie Q who forgot the Golden Rule).